I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
