Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
