I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
