Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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