holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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