i think i have two assholes
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I did not marry a roomba.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
