Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
