just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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