My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
