my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
