belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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