He is an equal opportunity slut.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
