You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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