Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
