i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
