Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
