And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
