Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
