oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
she looked like the before picture.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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