i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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