i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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