I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
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