i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
