The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
