Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
