THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
