i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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