uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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