my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
