My girlfriend figured out who you are.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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