if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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