Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
