If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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