Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
