If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
