even my farts smell like vagina
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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