I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
