I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I need to calm my uterus...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
