My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
