The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
