I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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