He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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