lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
