Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
