I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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