I'll bet she douches with gravy.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
