It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
