dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
