Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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