when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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