In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
