yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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