i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
