whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
