You just made me feel so damn special
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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