Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
