My hand turned me down
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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