He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
