every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
