Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
