i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
