I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
