Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
