her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
