OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
