Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
